


Okay is Enough

by Caaaaaaas



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Other, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, it's ok to be ok, not very graphic though, some mentions of tony's panic attacks, stephen cheers tony up, stephen strange deserves all the love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caaaaaaas/pseuds/Caaaaaaas
Summary: Tony knew nothing short of being the best. Be it in gambling, inventing, being rich (bested here by T’Challa, of course, ‘cause he’s a fricking king) or existing at all, he was what many considered the epitome of human living.





	Okay is Enough

Tony knew nothing short of being the best. Be it in gambling, inventing, being rich (bested here by T’Challa, of course, ‘cause he’s a fricking king) or existing at all, he was what many considered the epitome of human living. 

When he took over his father’s company as the rightful heir to Stark Industries, he was proud. Besides, he earned it. Graduating summa cum laude at MIT as a 17-year-old isn’t a piece of cake; for others, it was a once-in-a-century occurrence, the occurrence being, well, him. 

He should be the best. Why shouldn’t he? It’s probably the only thing his father admired about him. So he fought, through living in his father’s shadow to creating his own legacy. To be better than, god forbid, Captain America, who his father thought highly of, never ceasing to speak of him to remind Tony of his own flaws. He’d admit, he’s not as fit, or _honorable_ , or every bit the man Cap seemed to be. But he tries. Shouldn’t that have been enough for his own _father?_

So prove himself he did. As a weapons manufacturing company, Stark Industries, fueled by Tony’s intellect and Pepper’s ingeniousness managing skills, flourished over any other. They simply did what any other thing did when put under Tony’s rule: become the best. 

\------- 

After his ordeal in the cave with Yinsen, Tony’s priorities changed.  
He couldn’t go on as, what it turned out to be, the best murderer of his own people. No, he was going to protect them with his Iron Man suits. They were the greatest chance at protecting the country, maybe even the world. So he developed prototype after prototype, blinking the tiredness from his eyes whenever they threatened to close shut from 2 days lack of sleep.  
_You are the best. You gotta be the best. You gotta be. Don’t you fail now._

\-------  
After the battle of New York, his pattern of building and upgrading suits kept up incessantly. Within 6 months, he’d gone from Mark 8 to 42. Tinkering constantly at the lab has had a toll on his and Pepper’s relationship, but he’d rather not bother her with it. After all, his wormhole nightmares exposed him to fresh horrors every time he closed his eyes to sleep. No, he’d handle this himself. _You can do it, Tony. The world is at stake, here._  
When Tony wakes up from yet another nightmare and accidentally calls the suit to himself, Pepper is fed up.  
“I’m gonna sleep downstairs. Tinker with that,” she spat, as she grabbed a pillow and left the room.  
As he curled into himself on the sheets damp from his sweat, Tony had never felt so alone.  
_I’m doing the right thing._  
.  
.  
_Right?_

 

With nothing to help him in his panic attacks, and no one knowing how to handle them, Tony was vulnerable. For the first time, he didn’t believe in his mantra anymore. 

\------- 

As he tried to convince Bruce of the benefits of Ultron, a suit of armor around the world, Tony finally thought he was doing enough for the world.  
When it turns out to be a killer robot with the desire to extinguish all humanity, of course the blame shifts to him. How could he have known this would happen?  
How could he? 

After the battle, choosing to ignore collateral damage that is Sokovia, some of the Avengers packed up their belongings and left Stark Tower. Clint, presumably went back to his now-not-so-secret-farmhouse; Steve, whom he oft disagreed with on several serious matters; Natasha, who one day was there and the next, wasn’t (she’d even emptied her room, and left a note saying, “It’s not you; urgent business”); Bruce was god knows where, and Thor had disappeared once again to space, or Asgard or whatever. He couldn’t bear to be near the Maximoff girl, who was the source of his most fearful vision to date. Vision, was, well, Vision. 

When he’d sent out the invitations to his tower to the Avengers long ago and they took it, he’d been hopeful at restoring a sense of familiarity. Now, looking at the expansive emptiness and the dim lights in the commons area where his teammates used to gather, his heart sunk. 

“It’s not you,” Natasha’s note had said.  
But of course, it was. It was always him.  
Tony Stark may be the best at some things, but being loved wasn’t one of them. 

\------- 

His panic attacks only got worse.  
If his past self saw him now, he’d wonder how he’d fallen so low.  
_You are the best. You were the best.  
Now, I don’t know what that’s like anymore. _

\------- 

The Civil War was the last straw. Now everyone seemed against him the one time he sides with the government. _Traitors_ , he thought as they sided with Cap on some reckless ideology as a rogue fragment of what was previously _The Avengers._  
Why couldn’t they just see? They were time bombs, ticking until the world implodes around them. They needed to be managed. _He needed to be managed._  
After the ordeal, everyone was so quick to pin the blame on him and run off to Steve, who was now acting every bit the opposite of what Captain America should be.  
There is never satisfying everyone, is there? 

\-------  
As he sat in the New York Sanctum, with his visions finally coming true, he didn’t know what to think. No, he couldn’t think. Has it really come to this? Was he prepared for Thanos? 

“Stark,” Strange’s raspy voice broke him from his reverie. 

“Yeah?”

“Make the call. Call Steve Rogers.” 

“Yeah, yeah..” he sad dismissively, looking for a distraction, any reason not to dial the number he’d endlessly ingrained into his mind during this 2-year fallout with the Captain. 

Strange seemed to notice something wrong with Stark. He cautiously walked towards him, his towering frame making Tony somehow seem seven smaller than he felt. 

“I know it’s difficult, what with Cap’s betrayal and regarding Barnes and your parents,” Strange talked in a low thrum that was oddly calming to Tony. 

“How the hell did you know about that?” Defensively, Tony hissed. 

“I’m the Sorceror Supreme. It’s my job to know such things.” 

“Look, I am not into your mind games, wizard. Get out of my head, or I swear-“ 

“-You swear what? I could sent you into another dimension and lock you there if I wanted, Stark. So try and threaten me, genius.” 

Tony had ever been spoken to in such a manner. It was, though he’d never admit, kind of hot, and extremely exasperating at the same time. The Sorceror’s piercing blue eyes stared daggers at him as he made the threat, which seemed to peak Tony’s curiosity even more. 

As he was about to press the last button, however, crashing sounds were heard from the outside.  
Everyone rushed out to the suddenly gloomy, and windy city, getting their weapons and defenses ready. The phone, mid-dial, lay forgotten in Tony’s pant pocket. 

\-------

“ _It was the only way_ ,” Strange’s last words would haunt him for the longest time ever, as if he didn’t have enough words to remind him of his constant failures. Failure to save the universe and his adopted ‘son’, included.  
The mangled ship he and Nebula struggle to get off of Titan finally crash lands on Earth, on a site that he hopes is near Wakanda, where Steve would be.  
And in fact, he was. With the other left heroes.  
Their reunion was short.  
They had work to do. 

\------- 

The after party celebrating the end of the Infinity War had to be one of the most refreshing, and nostalgic images to Tony. Having his old teammates back and happy, chatting about everything and anything other than the death of half the universe some time before. 

It was like nothing had changed. Almost.

That wouldn’t stop the guilt he felt, though, as he watched a somber-looking Thor isolated from the main crowd, probably mourning the loss of his brother Loki, or Peter Quill, the space outlaw whose eyes seem forever haunted with his lost love. The universe itself was happy, but they had lost the other half of their own. 

“Stark,” a rich, yet coarse voice belonging to a tall, and dark-suited man interrupted his thoughts.

Tony cocked his head, “Strange. Good to see you out of your usual Hogwarts robes. How’s the Sanctum?” he added. 

“Well protected, as long as I’m Sorceror Supreme,” Strange replied.

“Wow. No need to get all cocky, Dumbledore. Threats could be inbound any minute.” 

“They can wait.”

“Or not.” 

“You’re paranoid.” 

Maybe I am. 

“Adds to my charm, baby,” Tony blurts out. 

Stephen fixes his gaze on him. “You don’t have to be so wary. The worst has passed. Whatever threat there is, we’ll deal with them when they get here.” 

He seemed so sure of himself, Tony almost believed him. 

“And what if we can’t deal with them?” Tony countered. 

“You know, for Earth’s mightiest defender, you seem to have little faith in yourself.”

“I may be the best shot at defending Earth, yes—not what everyone else seems to think though,” Tony muttered, somewhat resentfully. 

“And since when did their opinions matter to Tony Stark?” 

Tony steeled his gaze at Stephen, taking in all his eyes could see. God, what a masterpiece of a man. Cheekbones so sharp they look chiseled, eyes piercing, yet holding an inkling of understanding of what Tony himself is going through. Of being the best, yet being hated by everyone for his arrogance. Of having his own ego as his worst enemy, bringing him to his lowest, so low that no one could pull him out from the bottom of the pit. Maybe they were similar. And in this room, it seemed as though the neurosurgeon was the only one who respected Tony as he deserved. 

“Since forever. Since my father, parents, Obadiah, my teammates, and the world in general. Keeping up my reputation of being the best is hard work, you know.” 

“But are _you_ okay with that?” Stephen said. 

“Am I okay with what?” 

“Holding yourself to such an unreasonable standard.” 

“Unreasonable? It’s my responsibility. As long as everyone’s okay, I’m fine.” 

“But are _you_ okay?” Stephen asks determinedly. 

“Okay?” _I am the best. I have to be._

“You know,” said Strange, shifting his position to watch the chattering crowd of agents and teammates alongside Tony, their shoulders brushing lightly, “Sometimes, _just_ being okay is enough.” 

“For me?” 

“ _Especially_ for you. ”

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this came to me from a tweet made by a "certain" person who bashed a bunch of people's accomplishments as mediocrity, instead telling everyone to strive to be the best they can be. But sometimes, being okay is enough, right? :) 
> 
> This is the first time I've written a fic in years, please leave a kudos & comments if you can!


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